Kazaam!
by aanemonee
Summary: Alexi and Tsuki have great adventures in Narutoville! Making fun of: EVERYONE! Yay! Appearances by: Jesus Rock Lee Christ!
1. Alexi and Tsuki have great adventures!

**1 - Tsuki and Alexi have great adventures!**

One day, Tsuki and Alexi were being nerds. Tsuki had just gave Alexi the sexiest picture of Gaara's mullet in the world, when all of a sudden, their conversation turned towards GAY MEN.  
"I need to write a Neji/Gaara fanfic." Tsuki only said this because she is part of the Hyuuga clan. That Hyuuga : (  
"Whaaaaat? Noooo! Gaara is so not gay." Alexi was defending Gaara in court but she was failing. Yeah. Sad.  
"Gaara is sooooooo a gay man!" Tsuki said.  
Alexi gritted her teeth and lol'd all over the place. She regained her composure and went at it.  
"Nuh huh! Plus, Gaara can do WAAAAAY better than that asshole"  
"Aaaahhhhhh"  
All of a sudden, Magical Forest Creature Emilie came down riding a majestic My Little Pony.  
"Give peace a chance!" she flailed her naked body about. "To Narutoville with you!"

KAZAAMstarringshaq!

They landed heavily on that weird yellowy-brown ground stuffs that you always see in Narutoville.  
"OH GOD MY NOSE," Alexi yelled, flipping a compact mirror out. "OH NO! It is gross and big and ugly FOREVER"  
"…" Tsuki had just noticed something pissed-off and really effeminately GAY.  
OH WAIT I MEANT TO SAY NEJI.  
"N… Neji… kun!" she turned away and blushed deeply. "I… I didn't expect to find you here… of all places"  
"OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A WIENIE!" Alexi yelled at Tsuki. She stopped laughing and looked at Neji. "OH MY GOD NEJI YOU ARE SUCH A WIENIE! AND AN ASSHOLE"  
Neji gave an irritated sigh and was all pissed still because he is Neji.  
He began walking away… asshole.  
"Ano… Neji…" Tsuki turned around to watch him leave when he stopped.  
"What?" he said quickly.  
"Ah! …Oh…" Tsuki blushed again.  
Alexi regained consciousness after losing her breath from laughing so hard at the GayI MEAN NEJI.  
"You see it now? You see? Neji is an ass and he hates talking to girls because he is always pissed… and NEJI!" it wasn't like Alexi hated Neji or anything, she just thought he was a little… prick.  
Then there was silence.  
Alexi disappeared from the scene, as did the whole background, being replaced by white light and cherry blossoms.  
The graphics became clearer and Neji turned around.  
"What do you want"  
"I… I want"  
Tsuki was on the verge of confessing her love to Neji.  
"I think I know"  
KAKICKEDINTHEFAAAAAAAAAACE!  
It was our Lord and Savior, Jesus Rock Lee Christ.  
"I will defeat you!" He yelled in Neji's ear.  
The cut scene was over and the graphics got all shitty again, like in FF.  
"ROCK LEEEEEEEE!" Alexi threw herself on the bob-haired wonder.  
"WAH!" Rock Lee, being smart and sexy (NOT), shoved the girl off.  
"OH MAN THIS IS JUST LIKE IN MY FANFIC! See?" Alexi whipped out some papers with very bad writing and shitty pictures on it.  
"Oh… I see…" Lee was busy reading it.  
Tsuki, in the meantime, had been tending to Neji's fugly, fugly face.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE MAGICAL FOREST CREATURE EMILIE WROTE SOME.

"Hmmm, hmmm, HMMM?" Rock Lee, the Jesus Christ Edition, pondered over something not relevant to what just happened. "I do not agree with this script!" Rochrist Leesus flailed his arms like he does so much all the time. Tsuki frowned but DID NOT narrow her eyes because we don't do that in our stories… un.

"But you have to be gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" She whined stamping her foot on the ground. Rock Leesus floated away to the corner with silent tears streaming down his face.

"MEANIE!" He called from his hidey hole in the corner that he dug just now."


	2. Alexi being stupid!

**2 - Alexi being stupid!**

All of a sudden, Alexi realized she was on the SECOND PAGE OF HER STORY! She was so shocked! Plus, it was only the second page because the first… "CHAPTER" was all short and stuffs.

"I…" Alexi began to speak, disregarding the fact that Tsuki and Neji were being all "DATING SIM" and her savior was crying in a hidey hole. "am going on an adventure. MINUS TSUKI BECAUSE SHE WANTS GAAAAAY THINGS TO HAPPEN! …You HYUUGA!"

"What?" Neji was appalled at this low-life. HOW DARE SHE CALL TSUKI A 'HYUUGA'.

At this point, he began a really really long boring so stupid lecture on how cool Hyuuga people were and blady blah probably had some flashbacks, but Alexi wasn't paying attention. When does she? I don't know. ON WITH THE ADVENTURE.

"Rochrist Leesus… I leave you… my hair products." Alexi dropped her uhm… hairbrush onto Lee's lap. It was all emotional and had the sunset background and EVERYTHING.

"But… what is this for?" Rock Lee had the streams of tears down his face like he always does.

"For those days when it rains and you run around all 'OH GAWD MY HAIR!'… and stuff." Alexi walked over to Tsuki. "Tsuki… I leave you nothing. You suck."

"Whaaaaat?" Tsuki's mouth opened wide. Like a whale's. Yeah.

Alexi was going to leave Neji her compact mirror to admire himself like he always does, but he was still ranting about his childhood angst.

AND THUS, ALEXI STARTED ON HER ADVENTURE!

'Ok… okays, what should my adventure be ABOOT?' Alexi, unfortunately, hailed from the Hidden Village of Canada. It was all sad, really.

She thought and thought. She knew there were already about a million yaoi, yuri, and OTHER adventurous adventures out there… what could SHE do?

"I COULD GO LOOK AT PEOPLE!" she said dramatically. "The cool IMPORTANT PEOPLE!" she spun around and pointed at some random guy. But missed and stabbed his eye. Yaaaay.

"OH GAWD MY EYE!" Random Guy yelled. Alexi didn't care. She never does.

"Ho hum, what to do to make this adventure interesting…?" she watched Random Guy run around in pain, crying out every so often. "I KNOW IT NOW!"

Alexi started to run towards the entrance of Konoha. It was, of course, guarded by those two sexy ninjas, Izumo and Kotetsu. She stopped right in her tracks.

"OH MY GAAAII-SENSEI!" she squealed in delight. "You guys are the BEST!"

"…" they stared at her all sexily.

Alexi wanted to give them great big hugs, but then she knew it would be all stupid for her adventure. SO SHE PASSED ON THROUGH LIKE A NORMAL PERSON MINUS THE SQUEAL.

"A!" she just realized now that she was, actually in FACT, inside Konoha! Oh my god, so wonderful!1 "I… I am having a seizure…" she looked around at the random people with horseshoe eyes. "Too much… cool going on…"

Two hours later, ALEXI WOKE UP IN THE HOSPITAL! OF WHICH THE ROOKIES WERE ONCE! AHHHH!1

Somebody was sitting by the bed. "Oh my GOD. STALKER!" it was none other than stupid stupid Tsuki. Why you so stupid, Tsuki?

"I resent that." Tsuki said… all… Hyuuga-tone.

"What? Resent Whaaaaat?" Alexi shoved herself out of the bed and sort of fell over but stood up again.

"Being called a stalker of course." she said all matter-of-factly.

Snap. I need to describe what they look like. BARE WITH ME… I spell that right?…

Alexi in a nutshell: medium long brown hair… blue-gray eyes… red t-shirt… jeans and… black high-tops. Haaa, lawl, it's generic? Yup.

Tsuki in a nutshell: long brown hair… pale white eyes (duh!)… beige t-shirt… jeans and… brown skater shoes. I have no original ness in my body TTTT

BACK TO ADVENTURING!

"Shut up. I call you stalker because you FOLLOWED ME HERE!" Alexi yelled.

Tsuki stood up in the Hyuuga-essence and began to walk out. "Only because I knew you wouldn't be able to handle the cool going down in Konoha."

"Oh man, you did not just say that I TOTALLY CAN!" she followed Tsuki out of the room.

"Well, you didn't prove it very well by fainting like that!" the two headed down the hall, down the stairs.

Alexi was seething. She was only acting all angry and Tsuki was only acting all royal because they were in Narutoville! Where best-friends are ALWAYS rivals!

"What about you and mister fugly Neji? Huhn? Going all dating sim on my like that- I would NEVER do that to you!"

They passed by the front office and were outside now. It was all bright and happy and scenery was included but I am too lazy to type about that.

"Ah… Neji-kun…" Tsuki went all dreamy. Alexi took this opportunity to escape the stupid.

She ran and ran and ran, until she came upon Ichiraku RAMEN! OH LEESUS!

"Hey!" she passed under those flappy things that all shops have and pointed at the old man. "I know you! You're… you're…"

The old man that was always there stared at her.

Alexi pointed to his daughter. "You're Ayame!"

Ayame smiled. "Yes, I am. May I take your order?"

"…" Alexi stood there, pointing finger out and mouth open. "NO! You saw Kakashi's face!" she put down her arm and left the shop into the street.

"Ok, who have I seen so far? Neji, Rock Lee, Izumo, Kotetsu, Ayame and… that man. Uhm… very exciting adventures so far!" Alexi plopped herself down on a conveniently located bench that appears whenever you need one.

She sat there for a long time, people passing by, children wondering what cloth she was wearing, and cats being strays and wanting milk.

"Uhh… Konoha is sooooooo boring…" she fell over sideways on the bench and rolled off of it. Luckily, Alexi remembered that for her last birthday, she had received a Sand forehead protector! Sweet!

She pulled it from her back pocket and tied it around her neck and set off towards the Hokage building thing!

Alexi stormed up the stairs and into Tsunade's roomy thing.

"HEY GUYS I AM TOTALLY LOST I NEED TO GET BACK TO SAND OKKK?" she yelled loudly at Shizune and Tsunade.

"…" Tsunade looked angry.

"How come no important characters can talk in Konoha! AAAAAH!" Alexi freaked out.

Shizune stepped in front of Alexi. "I am sorry, but you really mustn't barge in like that! Hokage-sama only takes scheduled appointments! Please leave now!" she pointed out from whence Alexi had came.

"But Shizunaaaaaaaaaay!" Alexi whined. "I need to get back to Sunagakuraaaaaaay!"

Tsunade sighed. "Shizune, send her on her way."

Alexi was shocked! "But Tsunadaaaaaaay! I need an escoooooooort!"

"…" Tsunade realized she was a carbon copy of Naruto. "Fine. Shizune, please find her an escort."

"MAKE IT A HAWT ONE!" she cheered happily.

Shizune just glared at Alexi.


	3. Rochrist Leesus EXPLAINS

**3 - Rochrist Leesus EXPLAINS**

Meanwhile, BY FRIEND REQUEST!

"I am Rock Leesus! Come to me and I will heal you of your misery!" Leesus was standing atop a large boulder near an enchanting waterfall.

"Why should we believe YOU!" a snotty girl that is unimportant said. "You cannot even do ninjutsu or genjutsu!"

"My poor child!" Leesus' saint-like white robes blew ominously in the wind. "That does not matter… when you are Sailor Moon!"

SHOCK!

A tiny man stepped out of the crowd. "HEY! You cannot be our Savior and Sailor Moon at the same time!"

"No no, my children! It CAN be true!" Rock Lee began to explain. "As you all know, Gai-sensei is our God, and I am his messenger, Leesus! We work closely with each other on all kinds of missions! He is the Earth, and I am the moon! THAT AND I HAVE A WOMAN'S SIGNATURE!"

A burst of small papers fluttered down among the crowd. They were of his signature! VERY WOMANLY INDEED!

"OOO! AH LA LA LA!" the crowd of believers began to dance like hippies and speak in tongues.

"I have done my work for today!" Leesus looked into the sky and a bright line of sunlight fell upons him.

But then the clouds moved all in the sun's area!

Rock Lee spun around. "I… I sense it! THE EVILNESS COMES!"

It was, indeed, evilness. For non-other than **_Deidara_**, the very sexy ninja, came all out of a sudden!

"Deidara!" Rochrist Leesus totally didn't know the guy, but decided to use his Sailor powers to find out anyway.

"Leesus, yeah!" Deidara smiled. "I come to you in great need, yeah."

Rock Lee's face went all squinty. "WHY?"

"Many of my fans believe I am a woman, yeah! Can you believe it!"

"I CAN!" Naruto of all the retarded people came out. "BELIEVE IT!"

"…"

"What do you want me to do?" Sailor Lee turned back to Deidara.

"Convince them… I am a man, yeah!" he said.

"OK." ROCK LEE SPOKE ALL DRAMATIC LIKE I DO. "PEOPLE OF NON-BELIEVING DEIDARA IS A MAN!"

All the non-believers looked up.

"…" Rock Lee had not thought past them looking up. "DEIDARA IS SO A MAN."

"…" the crowd waited for something to back it up.

"…I mean… uhm…" Leesus didn't sweat drop but you all thought he did anyway.

"WHAT HE MEANS TO SAY!" All of a sudden, Gai-sensei popped out of nowhere to save the day! "IS THAT DEIDARA DOESN'T PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR HIS CHILDREN! Look at these NOTICES!"

More papers fluttered about the crowd.

Everyone nodded and went back to being hippies.

"WE ARE A PREMIUM TEAM!" Rochrist Leesus had streams of tears coming down his face.

"INDEED WE ARE!" Gai-sensei was crying too.

EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD, PEOPLE CAME OVER THEIR DIFFERENCES AND HAD SUNSET BACKGROUNDS!

Rochrist Leesus and Gai-sensei prevail once more!


End file.
